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Mike iLL

On a night this clear you can look right down the Manhattan crossstreets a mile away accross the mighty Hudson. Everything’s so clear. Last night Taps and I played drums and guitar on the ghetto outskirts of town. This one little gangster stopped and danced in the street for a few minutes; it was funny. Then we were drinking a beer on the pier by the Colgate clock and this cop car drives right by us. So close I could’ve drooled on it. Taps has about eight arrest warents out. The police didn’t say anything to us, but stopped around 30 feet away. We descreetly placed our unfinished beers on the pier and walked a bit away. We hung for a while, but the police didn’t move so eventually we walked back over to where the beers were and sat down on the ground between them and the cops. Sat for a minute, then picked up the beers and walked away again. We unsuccessfully tried to bum a cigarette, finished our beers and went home. I dropped Taps off at his moms house. Everything is so clear. I could peel away my illusion from the furrow of the brow and stop wishing I was my heroes, who weren’t either. These cool kids from a band called Cropduster offered to record me at their studio this weekend. This is good ‘cause I tried to record a couple of songs today and the tape deck here is all fucked up. Both of them. I’m also totally out of money. Well, there’s still around $25 in the bank. Rivka’s little sister Honey’s asleep here on the van seat where she’s living, pager in hand with the alarm set so she can go fill out labels at the Nicole Smith fashion factory all day tomorrow. Her co-workers like her, so they make sure she’s got something to do every moment of the day and doesn’t get fired like those around her every week. She’s 16 and learning to HATE 9 to 5 life. Learning to be free and poor like us. I’m just an old shoe-string collector walking on tight-ropes. This computer’s got a lot of wear and tear just like the vehicle, and no replacement in sight. But you live on destiny and eat faith. Cowboy stew. CAryl “Loveless” Hill made her rent this month by toothskin. Sarah and Paula are both homeless for now. Don’t know how I’ll afford gas to get to Philly day after tomorrow, where they never pay me. Hey stranger, wanna buy a record? Uh no, it doesn’t sound like what you heard before. Actually it’s hard to listen to. Somebody told me once that it’s lonely to be ahead of your time. Mommy, am I ahead of my time? “Yes darling. You are.”

1,000 blessings, mike |

18/07/2000